Blog Wk 8 - Change of Heart

Change of Heart

            I absolutely hated whenever my parent’s argued over money or over my dad not being there enough. There were countless times that I would wake up from a deep sleep due to the shouting of curse words flowing out of my parent’s mouths and doors slamming. As a child I lay there in my bed wishing and hoping it would all come to an end for good. I despised my dad for choosing substance abuse over the well-being of his family. Always promising us the world knowing he would turn around and continue on with his binge. I was tired of not having him there at such a crucial age. I wanted him to stay out of prison for good, to stop with his heroin addiction and to stop being a thief. Every time he was released from the county jail or prison, after not having seen him for so long, it put a smile on our faces. My brothers, sisters and mom would run to him full of joy and excitement. He would stay loyal to us for a while then end up back on the same old route eventually. I loved him when he was sober; He was so much fun and very smart.

            I was somewhat of a latchkey kid since my mom usually worked to pay our rent and my dad was hardly there. When I hit my teens I began to rebel against my parents. I recall one day in particular when I came home drunk at the age of 15 and my dad was furious with me. I shouted at him “Why do you even care?! All of a sudden because you’ve been out of prison for a year you think you have a saying in what I do?!” At this very moment my relationship with my dad changed forever. My words stung him so bad that I could see him deteriorate before my eyes. I think he saw how much of an example he was setting for me and the rest of his children. I’m not going to say our interaction that night motivated him to change but I like the idea of thinking that it pushed him a little.

            My dad stayed out of prison and gave up his old gang member and drug addict lifestyle since I turned 14. There were some days I could see he wanted to give up because his transition from the negative lifestyle he had to a productive, positive lifestyle was not an easy task. Seeing his struggle and seeing him not give up has inspired me so much. To get back into the work field he took a minimum wage job in Camarillo as a janitor but has worked his way up in their quality assurance department. Now he makes triple the amount from when he first started and works 6 days a week. I’m not making up excuses for all the wrong he did but I do feel he has been rehabilitated.

My change of heart didn’t come smoothly and right away but as I matured I was able to understand him more. We now are closer than ever and I go to him with every problem I encounter. In my opinion he couldn’t be greater. For any people out there that has someone in their life that lives a similar lifestyle as my dad once did just know that my dad is living proof that it is never too late.